here’s some writing I did in December 2013 (whoa.) I removed a couple sections that were never intended for public consumption. -th, 9/25/18
Harsh Lessons of Independence.
Independence is an out-of-favor term. Interdependence is the thing these days. I get it.
The line between interdependence and plain-old dependence can be functionally negligible. I learned this the hard way. Or maybe I was never interdependent. Or maybe interdependence is a fucking myth. More likely you’re partially dependent on some other people for different things.
Let’s not get bogged down with definitions.
Harsh Lesson #1: Do not grant anyone the power to tell you no.
Because what matters to you does not matter to them. If you are forced to seek someone’s approval you need to be in a position to cast them aside and get on with your life if they tell you no. Yes, I’m talking about your boss.
Harsh Lesson #2: Woe unto you when someone’s silence means no.
If they are sick or dead, that part of your life is sick or dead. You better hope you can cut it off and stay alive or you’re in for a rough ride. Because if or when they pop back up and want to control things again you are fucked.
Limit the power others have over you. Learn to reject those kinds of situations
Know when someone is broken so you can pick up their slack immediately. You WILL be Picking it up.
Your client might make a lousy boss.
Especially if they are resisting your recommendations. […] Praps I tried to introduce changes the wrong way, or too quickly, or something. […] a decision isn’t any better just because one takes a long time to make it.
Be a Planet. Be a Star. Never be a Moon. Planets can explode.
This is to date the costliest lesson I have learned. Not just to me, and not just financially.
Fact: I do my best work in collaboration with another person. This is something I learned about myself through music. Having a writing partner has resulted in the musical produce I’m most proud of. The stuff I’ve done solo always leaves me flat. That may just be because I’m a merciless critic of my own work, or maybe because I know exactly where it came from and can’t get over my built-in contempt. When I had a compatible partner it was just better.
Usually I would pair with an ideas guy- a super creative type. I took on the role of facilitator- I’ve got a knack for taking something and polishing it- making it better. I guess I’ve also got some valuable executive function that others may lack- give me an idea and I can get it done.
This turned out to be valuable in business too. My error was binding myself to one person and becoming dependent on them for ideas and validation.
I may need another year or more to properly unpack this one. [still not done –th 2018]